How to set boundaries

In Lifestyle, Mixed Martial Arts by Chelsea LaGrasseLeave a Comment

Setting boundaries is an essential skill that we all need to put into practice in our every day lives. It is also an integral part of self defense. What we allow to happen in our life will continue until we set boundaries and stick to them.

If we have people in our lives that consistently disrespect us, make us uncomfortable, put us in awkward situations, or don’t push us closer to the person we want to be, then we must set boundaries with them. For example, your mom who always has something to say and put her two sense in when you don’t ask for it. It makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t want to disappoint her or make her upset. So you just live with it, even though it makes you crazy. You can choose to sit back, do nothing, and let it continue on that way. Or you can tell your mom what she is doing and how it makes you feel.

In a self defense situation, if we have the opportunity to set our boundaries before we are attacked, it could prevent the attack from happening. Assertiveness and confidence can be a powerful tool in protecting yourself. It could be as simple as telling that guy at the bar that keeps asking to buy you a drink to leave you alone instead of just playing nice and hoping he goes away. You have the right to stand up for yourself. You don’t have to sit idly by and let things happen to you. You are in control.

So, how do we set boundaries in everyday life and in dangerous situations? There are three simple steps to making your boundaries very clear.

  1. Tell the person the undesired behavior that is occurring.
  2. Let them know how that behavior makes you feel.
  3. Let them know what your desired out come is.

“I am not interested in having a drink from you and it makes me very uncomfortable when you won’t take no for an answer. I would appreciate it if you left me alone so I can enjoy my evening out.”

Make it very clear what you will and will not allow and then, stick to it. You can’t just make your boundaries known and not enforce them. Sometimes it will be hard. Especially if you are a people pleaser or just naturally a more passive person. It’s up to you to decide what you allow in your life and what you don’t.

You may end up losing people in your life that don’t understand or respect your boundaries. It might be hard, but if they can’t respect your desires, then they don’t need to be a part of your life. Those who truly love and respect you will understand.

In a hostile, dangerous situation where you are trying to set boundaries to protect yourself, the attacker may not listen. They may continue their attack despite what you say. That is when your training comes into use. Being assertive about what you allow doesn’t always work when someone is intent on doing harm to you. We must be prepared for any situation that could happen. Self defense training could save your life. You can’t rely on words alone. Don’t find yourself in a dangerous situation that you don’t know how to get out of.

The best way to be prepared is to take a self defense class and to practice the techniques on a regular basis so you can train your body and mind to react accordingly. Learning how to set boundaries is the first learning lesson in self defense, but there is so much more to it than that.

If you are interested in starting self defense training, click on the Walking Tall page and enroll in the 8 week self defense course. You can train at your home at your convenience. The best part is you can go through the course as many times as you want so you don’t think, but you KNOW that are you prepared.